From the Book: Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff
Part 19. Lower Your Tolerance to Stress
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19. Lower Your Tolerance to Stress
It seems that we have it backward in our society. We tend to look up to people who are under a great deal of stress, who can handle loads of stress, and those who are under a great deal of pressure. When someone says, "I've been working really hard," or "I'm really stressed out," we are taught to admire, even emulate their behavior. In my work as a stress consultant I hear the proud words "I have a very high tolerance to stress" almost every day. It probably won't come as a surprise that when these stressed,out people first arrive at my office, more often than not, what they are hoping for are strategies to raise their tolerance to stress even higher so they can handle even more!
Fortunately, there is an inviolable law in our emotional environment that goes something like this: Our current level of stress will be exactly that of our tolerance to stress. You'll notice that the people who say, "I can handle lots of stress" will always be under a great deal of it! So, if you teach people to raise their tolerance to stress, that's exactly what will happen. They will accept even more confusion and responsibility until again, their external level of stress matches that of their tolerance. Usually it takes a crisis of some kind to wake up a stressed-out person to their own craziness - a spouse leaves, a health issue emerges, a serious addiction takes over their life something happens that jolts them into a search for a new kind of strategy.
It may seem strange, but if you were to enroll in the average stress management workshop, what you would probably learn is to raise your tolerance to stress. It seems that even stress consultants are stressed out!
What you want to start doing is noticing your stress early, before it gets out of hand. When you feel your mind moving too quickly, it's time to back off and regain your bearings. When your schedule is getting out of hand, it's a signal that it's time to slow down and reevaluate what's important rather than power through everything on the list. When you're feeling out of control and resentful of all you have to do, rather than roll up your sleeves and "get to it," a better strategy is to relax, take a few deep breaths, and go for a short walk. You'll find that when you catch yourself getting too stressed out - early, before it gets out of control - your stress will be like the proverbial snowball rolling down the hill. When it's small, it's manageable and easy to control. Once it gathers momentum, however, it's difficult, if not impossible, to stop.
There's no need to worry that you won't get it all done. When your mind is clear and peaceful and your stress level is reduced, you'll be more effective and you'll have more fun. As you lower your tolerance to stress, you will find that you'll have far less stress to handle, as well as creative ideas for handling the stress that is left over.
Too Nice? Try Becoming A Knowledgeable Expert
Have you ever told yourself that you’re too nice, or has someone else told you this? If so, chances are that you have a very high tolerance to stress, and as this section of the book points out “Our current level of stress will be exactly that of our tolerance to stress.”
During my first year in the real estate business, I met a guy at the airport who happened to be in his first year working as a loan officer. We became friends and very close business associates.
My friend had more real estate experience than me at the time. Unlike me, his family and friends were in the real estate business, therefore he had an opportunity to become familiar with the business before working in it.
I can recall one occasion where he told me: “You’re too nice, you need to be more aggressive”. At the time the advice sounded dumb, however, after a year of not selling any houses I came to a similar conclusion.
My need to be more aggressive didn’t mean that I had to stop being nice. It meant that I needed to lower my stress tolerance level in real estate. At the time, I didn’t have a plan for doing this, it just happened as I gained more knowledge and wisdom. I was then able to apply my new knowledge to what I was doing, and avoiding situations that I normally would have had a year sooner.
We all go through this learning curve at one point or another. If you’re too nice and your tolerance to stress is high, you may need to become more aggressive in certain areas. Maybe I shouldn’t use the word aggressive because most people may take the word the wrong way like I did at first. I’ll use the word assertive instead.
Assertive by definition means: characterized by bold or confident statements and behavior. The key word there is CONFIDENT. The only way to truly be confident with anything is by understanding what it is that you’re dealing with.
But what about those of you that consider yourself “too nice” in certain areas. In what areas are you too nice and what is your level of expertise in that area? Think about it, how often do you see knowledgeable experts that lack confidence?
If you’re non-assertive to the point that it causes stress, then you may need to avoid that area altogether or become a knowledgeable expert. It’s not a hard decision to make if you’re passionate about what it is that you’re doing.
This is an article that I want to keep going on and on and on about because I know what it’s like to be too nice, and I know the stress that comes along with it too.
Although I have people that say that I’m mean (can you believe that?), I’m still too nice to a degree and it still causes me a lot of stress at times, but I’m not going to let that get in the way of reaching my goals. I’m going to keep on learnin’ and continue pushin’ along, ya dig?
~Matthew
